I'm scared.
In responding to Carrie’s post, I had a few ethical problems that I had recently battled with.
Last night was my graduate choral conducting recital (I know… there are enough problems with that, never mind anything else). For this recital, I chose repertoire that had touched my life in some way; each happened to be considered a “masterwork” in its own right (whatever that means). As time went on, I realized that each piece was written by a deceased, white male, with the exception of the final selection, which was written by a very much alive white male (me). There was one piece on my original recital program that was written by an African-American male, but this piece was turned down by two of the three professors who helped me choose my repertoire. The two professors used the excuse that “It’s a fine piece of music, but it’s just not as good as the others… besides, this is your graduate conducting recital. That piece surely isn’t at a graduate level.” I must say, this piece actually meant more to me than any other piece on the program, including my own.
The more I thought about it, the angrier at myself I became. “I allowed this to happen,” I thought. “I allowed myself to fall into this trap.” Two things (well a billion, but I only have enough concentration right now to write about two) come out of this experience for me.
1) Why did I originally choose music almost exclusively written by white men? It wasn’t intentional, but is it ever (or always)? Why is this ingrained into my psyche?
2) Why did I give in to the hegemonic practices of the school? I feel that I am a strong advocate against hegemonic practices. This really bothers me because if I give in, how many others give in without being conscious of it?
I’m scared.
posted by Matthew J. LaPine @ 10:01 PM
1 Comments:
Matt, this was so insightful.
That said, let me offer my two cents (I know, what a surprise!).
The first thing I would say is not to beat yourself up about following the advice of your professors. As Carrie, and you yourself, said in earlier posts, the structure of our very own institution itself seems hegemonic. These professors were practicing hegemony probably without even realizing it. If you hadn't taken their advice, who knows if they would have held that against you? I'm not saying the professors are spiteful, but what I am saying is that though they thought they were trying to help you choose the best music, if you had disagreed and done the piece anyway, they may have felt you weren't taking your recital seriously. The prospect of not only recieving a bad grade, but of disappointing those who we trust and respect, is scary and upsetting. You want to graduate, so you took their advice. I know I can't hold that against you.
Secondly, you ask why you chose music that was almost exclusively written by white men. I believe it is because most of the music that we are taught is "valuable" or a "masterwork" in our classes is music that was written by white males. Thinking back to Music Historiography I and II, I can only remember talking about one female composer, Clara Schumann. And not for long. I cannot remember talking about any African-American composers in that class.
This is a point that I brought up in my Music History since 1900 class this past Monday. We were talking about national styles, and the names of Copland, Ives, Weill, Thompson, and Bernstein were discussed for several minutes when I raised my hand and asked why we were not discussing African-American composers like William Grant Still or Scott Joplin. The class briefly started to discuss the omission of these and other significant black composers from our book, and then the teacher stopped the discussion and moved on with the lesson. It was obvious she wanted to follow what was in the book (and her lesson plan), which was the music of dead white males. Anything outside of this window is beyond the 'comfort zone' of most teachers, whether because they do not want to discuss race or because they do not want to challenge the reigning belief that most classical music written by African-Americans is not as good as the music written by their white counterparts. So again, Matt, I say don't beat yourself up because there is only so much that we can do, as students, when our grade, and ultimately, our diploma, rests in the hands of those who we do not necessarily agree with.
I'm scared too. I just hope that all of us who are scared of becoming hegemonic in our practices can take comfort and support from each other and fight against hegemony and injustice in our schools and communities.
Post a Comment
<< Home